I have a sexy voice. You have a sexy voice. The lift I took this afternoon had a definitely sexy way of saying “Foth Flo-wah”. One of my favourite comedians, Michelle Wolfe, has a sexy voice. And by that I don’t mean our other voices.
I have a voice for friends – mellow, punctuated by laughter. A voice for work. A voice when I’m teaching or presenting. A voice for videos. And — my sexy voice.
This has had little chance to come out in the past year or so. I typically save it for phone calls.
Last Saturday night I went out on a matchmaker arranged dinner – 3 guys, 3 gals. After the dinner, if you want to get the phone number of a person that interested you, you let the service know. A man DID peak my interest – let’s call him Martin (no, it’s not what you think).
I’ve been waiting to find out if Martin reciprocated my interest. So you can understand my happiness tonight on the bus when I got a call from Martin. My sexy voice had its first airing in a long time. It’s slow, soft, luscious. Words get drawled a bit. So Martin started off the conversation with “Hi Kerry, it’s Martin. How’s your week been?” The crack detective I am, I put together the name Martin and nearly a week with my interest peaker. I replied “Just great. And such lovely weather today. Where are you right now? (Martin lives on the Gold Coast but is moving to Adelaide next month.)” Martin paused and said, “I’m just at Kent Town, sitting looking at a beautiful sky.” We chatted about the beauty of the sky, the view he had, how lovely clear winter days can be. My sexy voice was just having a ball. And Martin seemed to like it. His voice slowed down too.
I asked what he was up to. “Just getting ready to go home to the family.” (Martin has some cousins here in town and talked of them on Saturday.)
“Oh? What have you been up to today?” I asked, coyness positively dripping from my sexy voice.
“Uhm, working in my office. Had a few meetings and some phone calls to make, you’re the last one. So, you got my message from your main real estate agent about me? The specialist in units?”
Oh. Fuck. This was NOT handsome, available Martin from Saturday. What do I do now? I pondered. If I switch to business voice, I’m going to sound seriously deranged. I opted to stay with sexy voice but increase the pace gradually.
“Of course. Thanks so much for following up!…” I’m trying to keep from giggling.
“I was wondering if you’d like to meet tomorrow during the day, ” he asked. My house is currently a mess.
“Um, I need time to tidy things up. What about one night next week?”
He agreed, slightly hesitantly but then with extra brightness.
As I hung up, I realised that I probably had come off as a horny, lonely widow looking to lure hapless real estate agents with my sexy voice and night appointments. The poor guy is now probably afraid of sexual assault.
I couldn’t wait to get off the bus and away from others. As soon as I did I stopped and laughed at myself until my stomach hurt.
On the bright side, perhaps I acted as a fluffer for Mrs. Martin. If so, you’re welcome Mrs. Martin. We’ll have both had a fun night tonight!